Martial King's Retired Life

Dugu, Ye Luo and Tie Hanyi scrunched their faces.

“I couldn’t let him get close, right? Who am I? Who is he? I am a strong advocate for hygiene. Is a shot of diarrhoea a joking matter? Using ‘Phoenix Hits the Grounds’, I bobbed my head down.”

Ye Luo asked, “Isn’t it supposed to be Phoenix Lowers Its Head?”

“Great question. That is the usual name. However, as you might be able to imagine, just ducking your head under that technique would avoid the thrust, but it wouldn’t create enough distance to avoid the stench. Hence, I had to duck and drop to the ground.”

“I see. Excellent thinking, Brother Ming.”

“Although I’m inferior to him as a martial artist, my evasion manoeuvre caught him by surprise. I then grabbed a shuttle I shot His M-, an un-blockable shuttle and, zoom! Clang! Hit his sword with perfect precision. See this? This is his sword.”

I held out the sword that cost two hundred silver taels for shipping and a bunch of whacks from Boss. With just one glimpse, you could tell that you’d be able to get rich just from putting it up as an exhibition item in the capital. All three of them gasped the same way I did when I saw it.

“This is no ordinary sword. You know Yellow Emperor Xuanyuan?”

The trio: “Yes.”

“This is the sword Emperor Xuanyuan fought Chiyou with.”

The trio: “Wow.”

I flicked the sword. “Look. If you ever suffer from insomnia, swing it at the moon. You’ll hear rain and see light erased. Fengbo the Taoist deity of the wind will even sing and prance for you in heaven.”

Tie Hanyi: “Isn’t Fengbo Chiyou’s subordinate?”

“What happens after you lose? Surrender to the opposition, right? They say a hero can serve two masters is just as a beautiful woman doesn’t fear being a concubine.”

The trio: “Oooh.”

“Anyhow, this sword is worth a lot of money. Since the three of you are quick with information, please help me find out who the shameless assassin is. I have no use for this sword, so I shall gift it to whoever identifies the shameless scumbag first.”

“We can’t accept such an honour,” replied the trio, taking the sword straight away and promising I could count on them.

I had to pretend I didn’t recognise Feng Qizhi since Boss didn’t want anyone to know we were involved with him. If Emperor’s Entourage exposed him, then the bone to pick was with them, not Liu Shan Men. The trio I recruited weren’t materialistically greedy – and they probably weren’t short on money – and they couldn’t embezzle the important evidence. Anyone in the martial world would’ve loved to have a few days to play with the sword. Besides, it wasn’t a hard task for them.

“Lame. I’m going home.” Long Zaitian got out of his seat and walked out.

I was somewhat perplexed. Typically, Long Zaitian wouldn’t leave Liu Shan Men until he saw Boss every time he dropped in.

“What are you going to do at home?” I asked.

Long Zaitian halted in his tracks, bit down on his bottom lip as he fought back the silver pearls that had formed in his eyes. “To cry,” he answered before running off.

No matter how strong one was, they’d cry, too, if they went from heaven to hell – and had to spend three days there. Long Zaitian had one hell of a story to tell. I think there were already performance teams selling out their “Strong Small Dragon Resists His Tears” performance, though I wasn’t sure if Long Zaitian was paid any royalties. For the last few days, he had been drowning his woes in alcohol all day. He didn’t look haggard, but he must’ve snacked a tonne while drinking because he looked heavier. I couldn’t find the words to describe how sickening it was to watch a gruff guy turn into a snowflake, but his experiences were worthy of a handful of tears.

“Brother Tie, where has Ol’ Long been reassigned?”

“The barracks outside the capital.”

“As grand commander of a thousand troops?”

“Team captain of a team of ten.”

“Tasked with training?”

“Tasked with standing guard at gates.”

“Of the barracks?”

“The kitchen’s back door.”

See? Sad, right? Well, I only called him over to use as a red herring. The Emperor’s Entourage trio were the main stars I needed to spread the news of the sword and assassin.

“Oh, by the way.” I wore on a serious face. “The assassin and this sword must be kept secret. Please do not divulge this matter to anyone under any circumstances.”

Tie Hanyi and Dugu raised their hands. “Rest assured. We are well-known for keeping secrets. Secrets are secrets for a reason, right?”

“I shall leave it all in your capable hands, then.”

As soon as the three of them left, the person in the rear asked, “Is my sword so magical?”

I turned around to meet Feng Qizhi’s squinting eyes. As the nutcase touched his bandaged head, he asked, “Where am I? That was my sword, right? Why was it given away?”

“Who are you?”

“Who am I?” Feng Qizhi tilted his head, scanned my face, then retreated as if he saw a monster whilst instinctively reaching for his empty sash. On a second thought, he grabbed his sash as if it was a whip.

You had to give it to him. He really was special…

The confused nutcase appeared to recall the events leading to him ending up here. “Y-you plan…”

“Is something the matter, Sir?” I asked in a worried tone as I advanced. “Sir, you are still recovering. You must take caution.”

“I’m recovering? I’m still recover-… What did you call me?”

“As I do not know your name, I can only refer to you as Sir. What happened was, I was drinking at a restaurant when an assassin suddenly attacked me. I am untrained, but I was lucky enough to have an adept passing by come to my aid. Regrettably, the assassin managed to escape. I was going to give chase, but I noticed you had passed out on the ground, so I hurriedly brought you back here to nurse you. Thankfully, your injuries are minor. I have bandaged your injuries, and you will soon be back to full health.”

Feng Qizhi didn’t space out. The man was on so high up on cloud nine that he muttered to himself, “This idiot doesn’t even know I tried to kill him! Thank heavens! Thank heavens! I’d be in the tiger’s den if he had another brain cell. I’m not afraid of him, but it’d be a sticky situation. How is someone so stupid even still alive.”

If you had another brain cell, you’d realise I was fooling you! You can’t even remember how you were slept. Adept passing by? I whacked the lights out of your head, nimrod! If you had the eastern wind, you’d have legged it, you dropkick.

“Based on your mutterings, can I safely assume your surname is Feng?”

He started having nervous sweats and trembles.

“I think your name was Feng… Xiangxiang?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah!” Feng Qizhi cared naught for the logic and reasons that led to the name. “My name is Feng Xiangxiang, Xiang as in soaring. My mother did not want me to stand out in one go, hahaha.”

“Oh, I see. This one is Ming Feizhen. It is a pleasure to meet you.”

Despite him thinking he hid it well, I saw an obvious sly grin. He covered his mouth as he responded, “Young Master Ming, it is a pleasure to meet you, too, hahaha. I have never heard of you. How do you keep such a low profile? Hahahaha.”

Based on what I could tell, Feng Qizhi didn’t achieve his level of prowess thanks to talent. I was willing to bet it was beaten into him from childhood.

“So… you do not remember the assassin’s appearance?”

“You are interested in the assassin?”

“No, no, no, no! Who would? That is a filthy person. I have never heard of assassins. I am merely curious, haha, curious.”

“I did not. The assassin truly was despicable. He fled faster than a rat.”

“Who are you insulting?!”

“Hmm?”

“Ahaha, nothing, nothing.” Feng Qizhi wiped his forehead, then smiled to himself as if he just managed to successfully play it off.

You don’t seriously think you fooled me, do you?!

“Why didn’t you chase the assassin?”

“I was planning to, but we at Liu Shan Men always prioritise the people, and think for the people. How could I ignore a dashing man as you?”

The cleaner outside turned his back to us as if listening to my claim was sickening. Even Zha Pi, who passed the door, shepherded his subordinates along, whispering, “Stay away. Head Constable Ming is fooling him. Don’t get in his way.” Only Feng Qizhi had tears welling up in his eyes.

“You truly are a man with a good heart.”

Don’t tell me he’s given up on killing me already. Did I finish my task ahead of time? Man, I wouldn’t have asked the Emperor’s Entourage trio to come over if it was this easy. That was my lunch money, damn it.

Feng Qizhi wiped his ears, then questioned, “The people from before were…? Why did they take m-, cough, cough, cough, the assassin’s sword?”

“Oh, they are friends from Emperor’s Entourage.”

“Emp-Emperor’s Entourage?”

“Indeed, they are agents in Emperor’s Entourage. I can count on them to identify the assassin in no time at all.”

“Ahaha…”

Feng Qizhi: Damn it, there’s no way out of this now. Won’t they realise I’m the owner of the sword as soon as I leave?

Reading Feng Qizhi’s expression, I jumped on the opportunity to say, “It looks like you have rested sufficiently. I think it would be best if you returned home now so as to avoid worrying them.”

“N-no, I can’t!” stuttered Feng Qizhi, waving his hands frantically in front of his ghastly-pale face.

“What’s the matter?”

“Huh? Eh? Why can’t I see? Young Master Ming, I think my vision has been compromised after I was hit over the head. I think I still need more time to recover.”

I feigned shock. “Oh, I see. Let’s do this: you rest. I will have you escorted to an inn.”

“Ow! My feet suddenly hurt. I can’t move them. I have a critical internal injury… Uh, Brother Ming, do you know martial arts?”

“No, not at all.”

“Ow! It’s a terrible internal injury! I can’t move! If I move, I’ll die from qi deviation. Brother Ming, I think I need to stay nearby.”

“Could it also be the work of the assassin?’

Feng Qizhi joyously nodded. “Yes, yes, it must be.”

“How audacious of him, hurting a good citizen! Rest assured, Brother Feng. Since the assassin is responsible, you can say we have gone through life and death together. Nurse your injuries here at Liu Shan Men. I will obtain medications for you and anything else. You can stay until you are recovered. Consider Liu Shan Men your home.”

Feng Qizhi, tearfully filled with some guilt, expressed, “Brother Ming, your knowledge knows no bounds. You… You… I shall say no more!”

“You’re welcome!”

Once I got Feng Qizhi to settle in, I exited and shut the door behind me. Blue Prince’s assassination plot was basically history. In a matter of days, the assassination should’ve spread to every corner of the capital, and Feng Qizhi didn’t dare to set foot outside. Therefore, nobody would blame neither of them for it. Long-story short, I was the victim no matter who you asked. You couldn’t prohibit me from reporting the assassination when I was nearly assassinated, right? Thus, I avoided a confrontation, and I effectively sent Blue Prince a warning, so the matter was settled for the meantime. As for Feng Qizhi, he could go water the flowers with Sir Sui. He had the good looks, so Sir Sui wouldn’t have rejected him.

I went for a casual stroll while waiting for the news to ferment and serve its intended purpose. Subsequently, I went to see His Majesty. I could visit him whenever I wanted without a summon since I had his token.

I told His Majesty my thoughts on his request. I was going to keep it to myself for some time before telling him, but Boss said I could just tell it to him straight and that he might’ve actually preferred so. If I was lucky, he might’ve even given me some means of dealing with his troublesome sons. To my surprise, he was even happier than I expected.

“That’s nothing, hahaha! As long as you are fine with it, it matters not if they are a disciple of Mount Daluo. It is your character and wisdom that I value, not your background. Were you expecting me to have you teach them martial arts? It’s not as if I don’t know what your martial arts level is, hahaha.”

Boss sure knew His Majesty well.

“I know whether or not Mount Daluo will support a Prince. Perhaps you can’t call the shots since you aren’t patriarch, either. Having said that, Hero Lian promised a number of things in our last conversation, so I am awaiting his good news. It’s natural you don’t know the details since you have always been with me. Of course, your life would be easier if Mount Daluo backed you. I am just glad you have agreed. With your mentorship, I feel assured about my son’s future. You have helped me take another problem off my table. You truly are a blessing to the country and a pillar of the nation.”

“You flatter your subject, Your Majesty. It is praise too high for him to accept.”

“There you go being humble again!” His Majesty gave me a smile. “The ministers ought to learn a thing or two from you when it comes to humbleness. Do you want to know about this year’s imperial exam? Hahaha, you have amazed me.”

… Huh? Imperial exam?

“The imperial exam! Duke Ming, you performed, hahahahahaha.”

Come on. Don’t do this. I’m dying over here. Why six “ha”s specifically?

“The imperial court has its own regulations I need to respect, so I cannot divulge the results just yet, or I would never hear the end of it from Secretary Leng.”

The mere mention of Secretary Leng was enough to dissuade me from pursuing the results of my exam. Judging from His Majesty’s reaction, though, I must’ve done okay. He wouldn’t be laughing if I embarrassed him, right? Plus, I copied He Shi’s paper… and didn’t make any writing mistakes.

“Is this the reason for you visit today?”

Seeing His Majesty trying to fight an urge to smile prompted me to fearfully bow my head. “Your subject is not sure what you are referring to. He dares not speak.”

“But you dare to hide it from me? Hahaha, Dugu just came by. I apologise on his behalf.” Although he laughed, the pause in His Majesty’s speech and the shape of his brows indicated he was sort of angry. “Feng Qizhi is Lan’er’s subordinate. Lan’er has always known where boundaries are, so it’s unlikely for him to dispatch an assassin. Even if he did send one, he wouldn’t have sent one with mental issues. Don’t take it too heart. Feng Qizhi is not a bad swordsman, though. Did you get hurt?”

I bowed. “You can rest assured, Your Majesty. Your subject is fine.”

“I heard he escaped with injuries. Did you hurt him using a hidden weapon?”

“Your subject is terrified.”

“Panic? Why?”

“Feng Qizhi is apparently a scion of Feng Clan. Your subject dares not make an enemy out of them.”

“Since when were you ever afraid of making enemies? Stop acting! You are correct, however. I rely on Feng Clan for many things. The fact that you aren’t stirring their pot is proof that I am right to entrust my son to you.”

“It is not that your subject is afraid, but it is a situation of trouble knocking on his doors. Have you accounted for security in the capital at the moment? Who would try assassinating an official under the current circumstances unless they have someone backing them? Without a plan to avoid problems, your subject would have trouble fulfilling his undertakings.”

“You are worried about future assassinations?”

“That is indeed your subject’s apprehension. Please think about it. He was nearly assassinated as soon as he took up the role of mentoring a Prince. He dares not make baseless accusations because there might not be any foul play. Howbeit, as long as there is, how many lives does your subject have to fulfil his undertaking? Luck was on his side this time, but he would not be able to speak to you again if luck is not on his side next time. Furthermore, Feng Qizhi escaped. Your subject has no clue what to do. Please save your subject. Alternatively, please take back your directive.”

“You just agreed to my request!” Once he calmed down, His Majesty stroked his beard whilst deliberating, then muttered, “They are now grown adults around your age. Perhaps they are not satisfied with my arrangements. If you cannot teach the way you want to and need to, then that would not achieve the goal I hope for. It would be a waste of talent if I have you mentor them without letting you do so as you see fit. Okay. Duke Ming, step up.”

Honestly speaking, I merely jumped on the opportunity His Majesty presented, never expecting anything in return, but since he was offering something, I had to find out how much money he was willing to cough up!

I took a few steps forward, but His Majesty still had his head down in deep thought. He hesitated for a moment before shifting his gaze to the leftmost yellow scroll. He pulled one out and start writing a wall of text.

I flicked up a thumb. “Your Majesty, your handwriting is manly.”

The proud Emperor set his brush down, blew the ink dry and tossed it to me. “Done! Since you’re worried my sons will give you grief, I shall save you!”

I opened it up to find that it was an imperial edict! He officially gave me permission to take a Prince on as a student.

“The next time someone tries to give you grief, show them this. If anyone still tries to harm you, I’ll send the three offices after them.”

I quickly stuffed it into my shirt. It was the best thing I had picked up since entering the capital.

Let’s see which Prince still dares to pick a bone with me now.

“Your subject has heard you!”

Every problem I had vanished into thin air. I grew taller. My bones hardened.

“Your Subject just has one question he hopes you would answer honestly.”

“Go ahead.”

“Your subject is a Prince’s teacher, correct?”

“Correct.”

“He can hit them and scold them?”

“You may.”

“Should they not obey their teacher?”

“… Up to you.”

That’s what I needed from you!

“Your subject can accept the task, then. Thank you, Your Majesty.”

I bade farewell and left. I needed to carefully analyse the Princes to decide who to pick. If a fool decided to send an assassin after me, I’d make sure he regretted it.

Long after I was gone, standing in the palace alone, Emperor Yuansheng uttered, “But it’s not just the six of them who need a teacher. Another one of them also needs a teacher.”

As I briskly headed to the exit of the imperial palace, I heard familiar steps hurriedly closing in. I was just walking fast since running was prohibited in the imperial palace, so it was odd for someone to dare to run.

“Shifu!”

A kid’s voice with some courage and naughtiness, the type of kid who’d like to call randoms his dad. Don’t tell me…

As soon as I turned around, a tiger cub I recognised lunged at me.

“Catch this, Shifu!”

“Lord Zi?!”

My moment of hesitation allowed him to get inside arm’s reach. Seizing the initiative must’ve been a new skill he learnt. I knew kids grew fast, but he changed more than I expected. He was taller and looked tanner than he used to. However, he still had the aura of an innocent kid. Still, I mercilessly caught him by the leg and held him upside down.

“That was amazing, Shifu! Can you teach me how you did that?!”

“It seems you still like challenging people to fights as always.”

“Mind your manners!”

She was as fast as her sweet voice. She saved Sir Zi from my grasp and adjusted his attire. It only dawned on me that I hadn’t seen her in a long time when I watched her. Though she seemed a little worn out, she was as pretty as I remembered.

“Eunuch Bai, it’s been a long time!”

Even though I smiled, she scowled.

“Hmph! You have no manners treating Lord Zi like that!”

“Hahaha, I was just playing with him. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“When did I become your friend?” Bai Lian couldn’t maintain her straight face for long before laughing. “Have you been well?”