Martial King's Retired Life

I had no choice but to take the exam and deal with the things as they came. It was my first time ever taking an academic exam.

I chewed the tip of my brush as I waited to see what setting I was dealing with. The first part of the event was listening to the elder tutors of Hanlin Academy give speeches about things I couldn’t give a toss about. Next, we had to write on the exam papers to prevent anyone posing as an examinee. I didn’t have an issue with that procedure since I couldn’t ask for anything more than to have someone pose as me.

I already knew that we would have to fill in ten blanks, write an essay and review political policies. The fill-in-the-blanks portion was supposedly the easiest. The essay needed to be written in the same format officials would have to write when submitting documents; while it was a test of literacy finesse, it wasn’t too difficult. The most challenging part was the review of political policies. It required the examinee to write their opinions of the nation’s economy and life of the people; it was a test of character that also demanded eloquent expression. The previous Emperor even had a poetry exam, but Emperor Yuansheng saw more value in practical knowledge, so he did away with it.

What was I well-versed at? Everything I just mentioned. You read that right! That was all I heard from the professors at Daren Academy. Read, you say? Hahaha, you a comedian? Hahahaha! You tripping.

I was as cool as a cucumber when I received the question paper. What was there to be worried about as long as you took it serious? As I ground my ink and set my tools up, I started searching for the serious guy. Through listening to heart beats, I quickly found where He Shi was. Told you. What was there to be worried about as long as you took it serious? I had a strategy, and it was called “He Shi”.

He Shi was to mull over his approach once he received the question paper and then quietly read aloud his answers. I could hear whatever he mumbled with my enhanced hearing to then copy. I couldn’t be accused of plagiarism when there was only one correct answer for each blank in the fill-in-the-blanks section. As for there being two identical essays and opinion pieces on political policies, I already accounted for that. I told He Shi to mumble an acceptable response to the questions and then spend the remaining time on his own answers. He was able to finish writing his papers before I even understood the questions back at Daren Academy, so writing two responses within three days was a walk in the park for him. In any case, it was easier than me having to write my own. Besides, he didn’t need to put too much effort into mine. He could knock himself for his own papers.

Even if I couldn’t top the exam, I’d still place among the top candidates with He Shi’s responses.

In the event I was unlucky and there were so many freaks this time that I didn’t place, I’d still have had presentable papers. If left up to me alone… His Majesty would probably have a heart attack reading my papers. I couldn’t take away a great Emperor from the people, right? I wasn’t cheating for my sake; it was for the sake of the greater good. I felt tears well up just imagining the tragedy.

As soon as He Shi started mumbling, I put my brush to my paper.

“Confucius said…”

A shadow that was suddenly cast over the top prompted me to look up, and I saw Old Geezer Wang who I verbally destroyed.

You’re not even in charge of patrolling as a proctor, and even if you were, do you need to come straight to the room beside the toilet?! You’re just picking on me!

He Shi mumbled at a perfect pace and earnestly despite not knowing how I was going to obtain what he mumbled. However! I didn’t understand! I had no idea how to write what he mumbled. I got “Confucius said” and “Yi said”, and then I had no clue how to write the rest.

My listening was good enough to deduce what characters He Shi wrote based on the sound of his brush against his paper. Owing to the simplicity of the fill-in-the-blanks part, though, he wrote at the same time as he mumbling, effectively covering the sound of his hand movements. Right after he finished filling in the blinks, he immediately moved onto his essay, yet I didn’t understand what he mumbled. I forgot I couldn’t write to save my life even if I could hear him.

“Excuse me!” I raised my hand as though my life depended on stretching it out on time.

The proctor assigned to my area frowned and came over with gentle steps. “What’s the matter?”

“I need to use the toilet!”

Yep, I was the first examinee to use the toilet.

“The toilet? Why?”

“I have a stomach ache!”

“Keep your voice down!” The proctor checked on the surrounding examinees and then whispered, “Don’t try anything funny. Make it quick. You must leave your papers here.”

“Understandable, understandable.“

You make it sound as if it’ll suddenly make sense to me if I take it with me!

I had my arms wrapped around my abdomen as I ran to the toilet. I never expected the Prime Minister’s assistance that I despised would come in necessary so soon.

The toilet was built as a temporary solution that hadn’t been used yet – let us just assume so for my own psychological wellbeing. Considering it was genuinely made from Chinese rosewood, it was probably safe to assume it was reserved for nobles and officials. That said, given Prime Minister Li told me it was a commandeering table for me to use, I figured it couldn’t be so simple.

I searched high and low to eventually find out that the hole in the base was actually hollow. There weren’t any objects left behind for me, but I could hear a breeze from below. I contemplated, mulled and mused. In the end, I took the leap of faith – literally – and jumped down.

The ground at the bottom was dry and odourless. Based on the sound of the breeze, I determined that the underground passage’s other end wasn’t too far away, meaning the passage wasn’t exactly large, but it was large enough for a few people to traverse simultaneously.

I guess this is what he meant by it being a place for big things. Still, this isn’t enough to solve my current dilemma.

I climbed back out and opened the toilet door slightly. I gestured to the sentry outside, who was tasked with making sure I wouldn’t run off or cheat, and cordially hollered, “Excuse me, Sir. Please come over here for a second.”

The guard showed a disgusted face and retreated a step.

That’s not what I meant! Nobody is going to do anything to you!

“Your spear is nice. Lend it to me.”

“What?” The guard mumbled under his breath, “Y-you sicko! Y-you would…”

You’re too imaginative for your own good! I want the spear in your hand! What spear are you thinking about?!

“What do you want it for?”

“I… have a use for it.”

I couldn’t even find the words to describe the guard’s reaction. He probably only lent it to me in the end so that I wouldn’t “harass” him. I had no alternatives, though. Had I not had experience dodging Zuo Suniang’s spear attacks, the guard would’ve put a hole in my head with the way he handed it over!

I shut the door once I got the spear.

The first night finally came, and the first day of the imperial exam came to an end. At night, all papers were sealed and submitted to the examiners for safekeeping. If anyone hadn’t finished writing and didn’t want to hand their paper up, they could request three candles to finish overnight. There weren’t many questions for this exam, nonetheless, so three days was more than enough time. Most examinees chose to sleep and recover at night in order to maintain their performance. In other words, the only lights in Taishu Hall at night were the candles – the perfect environment for those who operated at night.

He Shi was part of the group who turned in early. He had finished the majority of his answers and handed them in before sunset so that he could have ample time for eating and resting before bed. If he waited too late, the snoring would make it hard to sleep, after all. Howbeit, he was probably too busy thinking about his future or something because he couldn’t fall asleep straight away.

“You can’t sleep, so let’s chat.”

“What’s there to talk about? The exams are continuing tomorr-” He Shi sat up as if he just sensed an assassin and went to scream.

I slammed my hand onto He Shi’s mouth and pressed him down onto the bed. I set the spear aside and quietly told him, “I need to talk to you.”