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Chapter 192 - Whenever You Are Ready (2)

Su Xiaofei blinked and looked at him curiously. "And why not?"

"Because I don\'t know myself." The young man admitted. "I know that I shouldn\'t have as I have yet to receive a proper answer from you, but I couldn\'t stop myself."

This earned an awkward chuckle from Su Xiaofei and she avoided his preening gaze.

"I hope you wouldn\'t kiss any random woman just because you feel like it." She commented.

"The only woman I would be willing to kiss is you. No one else," was Lu Qingfeng\'s defense.

"Y-you…"

"Is there something wrong with that?" Lu Qingfeng was the one to question her this time. "I would only want you, there\'s no need to worry about another girl, except if it is our daughter." He added in a teasing tone.

Su Xiaofei almost choked at those words. Where did Lu Qingfeng learn to say such shameless words? She had no doubt that her face was already beet red from all of this.

Her dark eyes looked up at him in surprise, her orbs searching for him while she struggled between her mind and her heart. She had known Lu Qingfeng for a long time, and yet now that she became aware of his feelings towards her, why did she feel like she was falling for him, bit by bit?

She thought that after the pain she experienced because of Mo Yuchen, she would never be able to allow someone to sway her heart, and yet, here he was, trying to conquer her in every way possible.

Her mind was screaming that she shouldn\'t fall in love just yet. That her revenge and keeping her mother safe were her utmost priority right now, and she cannot afford to get side tracked and lose herself because of love yet again. And if she really wanted to be with Lu Qingfeng, she should give their relationship some time to develop.

"Xiaofei, there\'s no need to overthink things. I\'ll be right here whenever you are ready." Lu Qingfeng\'s voice broke through her thoughts and called her back to reality. He knew the mental struggles he had put her in and was somewhat guilty of it.

However, it cannot be undone and he regretted nothing. If he didn\'t make it clear this early, Su Xiaofei would forever consider him as a childhood friend she grew up with, and not a man that could love her with all his entirety.

Su Xiaofei didn\'t want to admit it out loud, but she was afraid. She was afraid that she would fall for the wrong person again. Because of Mo Yuchen, she wasn\'t willing to experience the same pain all over again with another man.

Mo Yuchen used her love and he hurt her in more ways than one. She had thought that he stood out from everyone else. She thought he was different and special.

Actually, Mo Yuchen tried very hard to convince her of that before their marriage. He told her everything she wanted to hear and he made sure to get under her skin.

Soon, this man had become the center of her universe. Everything she did, she did them to please him, to make him happy. Everything was for him.

He had become the sole purpose of her existence. She gave him her entire self — her body, her heart, her soul, but he never returned any of it. The only thing he gave her was his half love. Mo Yuchen never truly committed to her but he expected her to commit to him, only to him.

He was jealous and she had falsely assumed that this was the only way he knew how to express his love. But little did she know that he was actually just a selfish, controlling egomaniac.

Despite everything, Su Xiaofei kept giving him all of her love. She kept justifying him, no matter how badly he treated her in the past. Even going as far as ignoring Xi Qian\'s warnings and her mother\'s pleas.

She was constantly looking for excuses, because she wanted to believe in him. Furthermore, she wanted proof that everything she invested in their relationship was not in vain — that Mo Yuchen loved her.

But, most of all, she wanted to believe that he was the one for her only to be proven wrong in the end. She wanted to think that he was her person, her soulmate, despite all the signs pointing otherwise.

And after years of pain, when he\'d gotten what he wanted from her, they had split up. Mo Yuchen walked away from her, like she never existed, and he never looked back even once.

He wasn\'t there for her to help her to pick up the pieces of herself again, he left her alone in her misery and in her suffering, going as far as starting a family with Ye Mingyu.

Su Xiaofei went through a lot in their relationship but she went through even more after he left her. It took her a long time before she realized that this man never loved her for real, that in the end, she was just a toy to him. One that he could easily discard once her purpose had been fulfilled.

Of course, that was quite painful for her, but what was even harder to accept was the fact that this guy was not only never right for her, but he played her heart and ruined her life, leading to her mother\'s untimely death.

It would have been fine if she was the only one who suffered, but she cannot forgive herself for hurting her mother.

And now that she was reborned, Su Xiaofei thought that she was pretty much okay now. She thought that she\'d gotten over him almost completely. She had even accepted the fact that he wasn\'t for her.

Furthermore, she was positive she could never love anyone with the same intensity she loved him. And yet here Lu Qingfeng was, trying to tell her that she couldn\'t be more wrong. This young man who remained by her side until her last breath, the one whose love for her never wavered one bit.

Su Xiaofei thought that she already knew what love was but here he was, a man who wanted to show her how it feels to be truly loved.

If she could support the person who never supported her back, imagine how much more she could love someone who would also have her back in everything.

If she could give herself completely to someone who never appreciated her, imagine how much more she could give to someone who would see her true worth.

If she could love a man who never truly loved her back this much, imagine how much more she could love someone who loved her back.

But would she dare? Would she dare to love again?

Su Xiaofei didn\'t even realize when tears started streaming down her face, startling Lu Qingfeng.

"Feifei, why are you crying?"

"Xiao Feng, can I be selfish again?" She asked him.

\'Can I be selfish and accept your love?\'